Lost Bet

I didn’t want to write this, I just had the balls to do it and keep my own promises. So again, I am writing this not because I want to, because I lost a bet with myself and God knows I don’t want to talk about any of this crap. Enjoy.

 My name is Iris Rae. My real name is symbolic of a gentle white wave. Simple. Clean. Pure. Oh the irony…I have been raped more times than I remember, which brings me to the whole point of writing this. I am not writing this because I think I am some narcissistic hipster douche with an Irish tongue (although I may look like one), but my story has inspired people to stay alive. This is a story about slavery, poverty, homelessness, loss, and pain that happily ends in strength, rebirth, and healing in a journey to move forward. It is entirely possible to build yourself as evidenced by the following infamous laws of physics- The Law of Conservation of Mass and The First Law of Thermodynamics. Energy cannot be created nor destroyed, whether it’s physical, mental, or spiritual energy.

I have always been very close to water. Water is life and I need it like the air I breathe and the blood that surges in my veins like a pack of rabid wolves. Swimming helped me feel pure again. I remember the bottom of the deep end when you can’t breathe and you’ve hit the very bottom. It takes every ounce of strength in your body to push off the bottom and kick your way back up. The cool rush of air flooding each capillary as you emerge from the aqueous barrier is rewarding in itself, but it’s emerging from the amniotic sac of pain and torment is what feels so empowering. Rebirth.

But I’m not some selfish emo that likes to bitch. There is a point to this and of course it has to do with you. Why else would you read this? Why would anyone ever pay attention to anything if it can’t at all be relatable to the self? YOU are your own infinity and your story is limitless. When it comes down to it, it’s all Matrix shit and the worst pains I know (the 10/10 or even 12/10) are all mental. And this is why I became a nurse. I want nothing more than to help others push their feet off the gritty bottom off the shittiest pool. I won’t carry you, but I’ll tell you a story.